Jenn's Mid-Life Purpose

“Embrace the Uncertainty.  Enjoy the beauty of Becoming.  When nothing is certain, anything is Possible.”  Mandy Hale

I know it’s been a while since I last wrote on my blog.  The delay was not by accident and at the same time it was not planned.  I had people ask me if I was taking a break.  Some people thought my writing was just a phase.  Others assumed I changed my path.  Most people were probably too busy to even notice.  Nevertheless, it was exactly what I required to mature spiritually and the amazing part is I had nothing to do with it.  The delay was bitter, yet sweet.

I learned so much in the past 6 months embracing the unknown and enjoying daily transformations.  Learning what it’s like to completely surrender to Him while wrestling with my fleshly desires day in and day out.  You see, I thought I knew what His plans were for me, but I really only knew what my plans were for myself.  I had to forfeit my agenda and the things that fed my flesh, things like pride, comfort, expectations and cravings.  So I became busy with the things of the house and matters of my family, not because that was what I truly felt led to do, but because God said to do it.  He made me run errands I would have never agreed to in the past simply because I felt that was not my responsibility to do so, after all, I have always been a hard working professional. He made me do 80% of the work when I had convinced myself that my work is split 50/50 with my husband; or at least 60/40 since I am home now. I complained day in and day out that I wasn’t achieving what God called me to do because I was so busy taking care of the household. How on earth was this taken care of when I was working full time? It all seemed to be working out well . . . or at least I thought it was.

Confession #1

The truth is, things weren’t being taken care of and things weren’t getting done. Our kids are our most prized possessions yet we neglect them in the midst of business.  I observed so much more than I had before simply because I was home.  Some kids were missing dental and doctor appointments. The kids who struggled in school more than others were not getting the attention and tutoring they needed. Meals were getting missed and the kids were eating unhealthy because we were on the road all the time. We lacked discipline in some areas, simply because we never observed it or we were just too tired to deal with it. Our view of the real world was NOT real at all. It was all a false perspective until I had enough time to slow down, be still and observe. I had to pray and plead with God on matters of the home.

Lesson #1

“If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” 1 Timothy 3:5

Our homes are our first ministry.  Before we can go out and save the world, we have to know how to manage our dwelling place first.  This is even more true for that of a pastor — he is expected to step down if he does not have his house in order.

If I want to be a servant of God, I have to learn how to humble myself in the bigger picture of God’s Kingdom.  I am learning how to surrender to the mercy of others — starting with my family and then close friends.  This means I have to sacrifice my own time when someone else calls on me and be flexible without complaint.  I have to remove the false ideology that I am above anyone else and lower myself down to that of a servant.  You see God wants to promote me, and he appreciates my will and courage, but I am not ready.  And he has to slow me down tremendously in order to hear.  In the past, all of this would have been a burden to me, now it’s a divine opportunity for infinite possibilities.

Confession #2

When I started this blog it was for selfish reasons.  I didn’t realize it at the time.  I convinced myself it was to reach people who were wrestling with a mid-life crisis like me and to encourage them that it was a spiritual awakening to live out and fulfill their purpose.  All of that is true but the most important part is missing.  That this blog is about expanding God’s Kingdom for His purpose, NOT mine.  And the truth is, as long as I align my plans with His (not align His plans with mine), then this blog will be blessed with a promise that will be fulfilled.

Lesson #2

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you.” 1 Peter 5:6

It is okay to wait . . . 

So how did I learn this? He took away the desire to write and he blocked me from discerning passages into lessons. In my morning devotional time, I used to be able to take verses and turn them into messages that applied to our daily lives.  But soon my devotional time was a session of absorbing. I felt more like a student then a teacher. And this happened for months, until the calling came. The Holy Spirit told me “it is time now”. And when God calls, you must walk forward in courage, shrug off the fear and the cobwebs, and move in the direction He calls. When you do that, the provision comes back immediately and the clouded road becomes clear again — and then you are promoted in His perfect timing.

In word, I have learned that the modern Christian has justified their busy schedules by a “works-based righteousness”.  We work for title, power and money by day and we volunteer by night and weekend.  When we are born again, the transformation is supposed to be reflective of our genuine Faith in Christ — which means that our behavior should mirror what we say and believe.  That’s what we call integrity.  We will not be given authority unless we have this.  This is the first priority BEFORE we enter into works for God.

I confess I started writing before I had my house in order and I still have un-finished business today.  I have been trying to get a weekly family devotional night together for months now.  I know my house desperately needs it and it is the single most important thing that is missing at this very moment in our home. That is not to say that our home is perfect by any means. It is not and it will never be – but until my spirit is comfortable with the household my husband and I have provided for our family, then I will continue to work on the “order of it”. This I promise will always be my first priority.

And about my blog.  Writing had to have a purpose and it could not be for the purpose of simply checking off on my “righteous” checklist.  I had to write with no expectation of growing in followers, gaining title and power, or even with an intention of changing others in my own strength. I have to write with a purpose to expand God’s Kingdom in His time and on His terms with a Faith that is built upon the foundation of who He is.

The delay was BITTER in that it was challenging, un-certain and un-planned.  Yet it was SWEET in that it was patient, right on time and full of so many new possibilities.  

Lord Thank You for teaching me that when we have certainty, certain things are possible.  But when nothing is certain, anything is possible.  I want to live with blind Faith, humbly trusting you every step of the way so that in you and through you, I can have Hope in all things possible.

What can you choose to delay today in exchange for possibility?