“Your crown has been bought and paid for. Put it on your head and wear it.” Dr Maya Angelou
How much do you think your really worth?
I know what some of you are thinking. “I need to “break busy”, but how the heck do I break my busy life and survive at the same time?”
Let’s visit the 21st Century primary pain point for women concerning their career and life. In 2016 the Women’s Bureau of the US Department of Labor conducted a survey on Working Women to “identify the employment challenges today’s working women confront, and to examine how these issues are related to their job and career decisions.” The survey found that close to 40 percent of men and women left their jobs at some point in their careers. The primary reasons for exiting the workplace were due to 1. Employer initiated separations and 2. For personal or family reasons. Women were more likely to indicate “family reasons” over men who were more likely to indicate “employer initiated separations”. Women were twice as likely than men to report leaving to care for their family and 61% of women indicated how important taking care of their family was to them. “Not only are women more likely to leave the labor force to care for family members, they are also more likely to pass up promotions or ask for reduced responsibilities at work.” Married-mothers of children are especially likely to pass up promotion opportunities, especially mothers with children under the age of 5. In another 2016 report by Gallup, they found that working moms are frustrated. And that most of them opt out during the “prime” years of their career (hello that is me). In a 2014 New York Times Article titled “Why US Women are Leaving Jobs Behind”, women are reporting that by not working, it has improved their family relationships at home and their health has increased from the capacity to exercise (again here I am). Pamela Stone, a Sociologist at Hunters College studies gender and employment and says that the “rapid increase in hours” at work has made it tough with unending pressures on parents. Women are not just leaving their jobs in the prime of their career, they are also a big contributor to absenteeism in the workplace.
Are you surprised by this data? I’m not. I can definitely relate. And I am relieved to know that I’m not alone with this “stirring spirit” after all. Did you read, that we give up promotions and ask for reduced responsibilities at work for the sake of the home? Amazing! Women are willing to “not be seen” so that they can nurture their loved ones. Now I don’t know about you but that is truly what represents strength to me! Uh but when you tell others what your up to, your bosses, friends, family and co-workers (people who are conformed to the ways of this world) they be quick to tell you different. They will look at you like your a fool. Aha! But 2 Corinthians 10 says “if we are out of our mind, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for” man. These conformers think there is a “one size fits all” definition to success. But success isn’t always about climbing up the corporate ladder. It isn’t always about getting your masters degree. And it certainly isn’t always about getting that “high” paying job. Success should really be defined by you — after you have assessed your deeply rooted values and determined what you and your family needs are.
Do you know why this is a primary feeling for women other than the innate need to nurture our families? Because God made us all a certain way and we all have an assigned role. Bob Deffinbaugh, a pastor, teacher and elder from Dallas Theological Seminary, sites the role of women in the New Testament in a 2004 article on Bible.org. He says “the only road to fulfillment, that is, to freedom, for human beings, male or female, is an apprehension of what we are made for. Accepting our places means making it our business first to understand the cosmic assignment and then, here and now, to find out what we’re good at, and if it is not inimical to God’s order, to do it.” In other words, we all have an assignment first as women in Christ and secondly an assignment according to the talents given to us. Some of Christ’s closest friends and “faithful followers” were women. “They were the last to leave our Lord’s cross and the first to see Him resurrected. There were women who followed Jesus as He traveled about, and who supported Him and His disciples. If perchance we are inclined to think that the role of women was primarily in the kitchen (at work), or preferably in the kitchen (in work), we need to be reminded that Jesus commended Mary for sitting at His feet, while Martha was obsessed with fixing the meal (Luke 10:38-42).”
Women have a leadership role in our world today, but NOT in the way that man perceives it. It is clear that women play a very important role in the home and they should focus their leadership on the service to others. They are ordained to lead their children and help their husband’s to align with God and minister the way He assigned them to. Women are blessed with open eyes to humbly minister to their husbands with compassion, love, trust and grace, thus helping him achieve what God has called him to do. They can also align to their husband’s calling and walk the calling with him. For women who do not have a husband and/or children, they are called to offer service to others in the same way that a married woman does in her home. Our latest generations of women have not had the privilege to see their mothers’ taking care of the homes because they were too busy working to support their family. This has wrongfully gotten lost in our culture.
How did we get to this point? “When Satan tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden he enticed her to rebel against her assigned role and to be like God (Genesis 3:5). That is Satan’s way, tempting men and women to rebel against the role to which God has assigned them, to act independently, to be fulfilled, but in some way other than the way that God has prescribed. In every case man chooses Satan’s path rather than God’s, he finds frustration and bondage, but the one who submits to God finds freedom and fulfillment (John 8:31-32).” This way of thinking keeps us busy, distracted and confused in our walk.
There is a heavenly call for all women to break bondage and the generational curse! It is a call for us to go against societal norms and walk on a path that will set us FREE, give us PEACE and JOY and have an everlasting IMPACT on our family and neighbors. He calls us WOMEN to know the truth and to set ourselves apart with COURAGE.
In the real world — I’m here to tell you that you have permission to RESET, REFOCUS and make your own decisions in the BEST interest of you and your family. It’s time that you stop letting others tell you what is best for you and you stop believing that the only way to success is through the way that our culture defines it. How many times have you been “volun-told” to do something or to be something only to find out that it made you completely un-happy. This also includes the work/life balance myths. I don’t believe in work/life balance — I believe in Life BALANCE! You “work to live” and not “live to work” so that means that if you can find a way to live without having to work so much — YOU are ONE STEP AHEAD of everyone else.
Today’s solutions of work/life balance is reflected through working remote, implementing well being programs at work, or starting your own work from home business. I don’t believe any of those provide you with what you need to nurture your spirit, your mind and your home.
Working remote could cause more stress for you when you are trying to balance a little one while working. I used to think that was my MAJOR GOAL. I wanted to be able to work remote as much as possible. Then I found out that I was working just as much, if not more because now I have all the tools/resources to work around the clock. And the only time I was “so called” nurturing my loved ones was by allowing them to see me work in the home, closing my doors and telling them to be quiet while I am trying to work, or driving them to a doctor’s appointment, school or practice while texting. Is this really a Life Balance to you?
Well Being programs at work is a great concept; however, your still working! You may take a 15-20 minute break for yourself to meditate but that is nearly not enough needed for our souls to be happy. And the break we take is the break we have the right to take by law.
Starting your own business is also a great concept. And it CAN work! BUT what I see, is women believing that while they are still working a full-time job, they can pursue something on the side that will eventually launch them into a full-time business, that will take the place of their regular 9-5. Okay great! So not only is there a period of time (and for some it’s a long long time) that they are now burning both ends of the stick, compounding a more busy schedule on an already crazy schedule, but when they launch into their business (if they are the lucky one), they are more busier than before; and they NEVER really had a break in between the transition. Not to mention some women are desperate and try to take this route even though they are not meant to own, run or lead a business. So their mind, body and spirit is still weary and after a few years of running their own business (which brings challenges and uncertainties in itself) they find themselves right back where they were before — unhappy and not understanding WHY.
So the work from home/anywhere business is GREAT! I am not saying it’s bad. And I am not saying that it can’t bring you balance. I am saying that you NEED to STOP running the rat race FIRST. RESET your life, REST your weary soul and RE-FOCUS on your goals and dreams so that you never find yourself in a position where you are following someone else’s path for you. You are only meant to follow the divine purpose you were created for, and you will do it with “little to no effort”, because it will close the gap in your soul and bring you great peace and joy at the end of the day! PRAISE God!
When you take the time to RE-SET and RE-FOCUS on your life, you will have the ability to:
- I’m so tired . . . REST and re-charge your spirit
- I’m a mess . . . CLEANSE your mind, body, soul and home
- Who am I . . . EXPLORE and discover your innate gifts and talents
- What is my path . . . RE-BIRTH your dreams
- How do I get there . . . CREATE an intentional roadmap with milestones
- How do I get it done . . . EXECUTE, be accountable and ACHIEVE
- How will this make me feel . . . EMPOWERED and in control of your life
- How will this make my family feel . . . LOVED and nurtured
Now let’s re-visit that question at the beginning of this blog — how will I survive? What do you think I have been working on this past year? How do you think I did it? I took this break for us! I wanted to sacrifice myself to learn how to Be Still, Pursue my Dreams and Survive doing it! I now have a proven method that will allow you to take the time you need to do all this WITHOUT working (just yet). It is a shift in perspective and it is in a way that is different than the way of the world. Don’t be scared. It will break the chains of the bondage you are in. You will be awakened, set FREE and your opportunities will suddenly widen. It’s a road to a breakthrough! And this is my BIG PROMISE to you. WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.